During my spring break I decided to take a sabbatical from here, determined that I would not feel guilty because I'd not posted a recent entry. I was successful. The first two days of last week were horrible and even still gave me lessons for life. Monday afternoon I was blindsided by either a virus or food poisoning. It was cool and rainy and several times I found myself lying on the cool concrete next to the flowerbed (my favorite disposal site). Too weak to move and in anticipation of the next wave, I simply enjoyed the rain. For seven hours I had no respite. Tuesday, my major adventure for the day was to walk out to the barn to feed the horses - an event that required considerable recuperation ... and then it was gone.
A lot goes through your mind when you're on your knees in the back yard in the rain. Somehow I think GOD was chuckling, thinking this is really where I need to be all the time ... on my knees asking for mercy. I thought about the many people I know who are presently going through chemotherapy. I thought about how thankful I was that I was not in some third world country such as a tent city in Haiti. I thought about how the sin in our lives slowly builds up until we need to purge it from our life, often in ways that are as discomforting as a flowerbed experience. I was reminded of the weak and helpless of this world and remembered that even in those times when I could not raise my head ... GOD was there ... he always is ... sometimes I forget to acknowledge his presence.

I've been listening to David McQueen's series 'Paranormal' in which he discusses the working of the Holy Spirit. It's been challenging to say the least. Read an article from my friend Jim Clark yesterday in which he reminded me to "be filled with the Spirit". That's twice in a week I've heard that command.
What prompted my writing today was the sad thought of those who have had their joy stolen from their heart. I looked at the endless rows of makeshift tent shelters in Port-au-Prince and wondered how much joy there is in that community, but then a video clip on the news showed children singing "I've got the joy, joy,joy, joy down in my heart!" On the other hand I watch as some I know follow the drudgery of their job day in and day out. They are tired when they rise in the morning. There is no fulfillment in their day or in their relationships with others. They often give little of themselves and therefore receive little from others. In short, their joy has been stolen. Someone slipped in when they were not looking. It's easy to allow ... just not paying attention... and little by little over time ... the joy just leaks out - like the helium in a balloon. Deflated and robbed of that joy they once knew, they float through life with the expectation that 'this is as good as it gets'.
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control ..." somehow I'm thinking this is not a multiple choice option. I think when one is filled with the Spirit you get it all. And if you've been robbed of the joy in your life...the thief probably got the other stuff too!
"Be filled with the Spirit..."

stress fractures

I can barely imagine sliding down an iced over chute at ninty miles an hour, but watching the luge competition at the Olympics makes for great vicarious entertainment...until there is a crash - someone loses control and they are at the mercy of gravity, momentum, and stationary objects. For the most part the luge is a controlled slide ... the athlete in 'complete' control.

I suppose many of our lives are similar. I live most of the time thinking I am in control - at least I seem to be. I visited with a friend recently who made me think about this a little deeper. When one is under treatment for some disease, often the medication that is an attempt to cure the condition or alleviate the symptoms has other manifestations that are an irritation - at least. It is not our busy schedule that causes the stress in our lives; it is not that we are not able to accomplish our goals at a satisfactory pace or with quality results; - it is the the realization that we cannot control the outcome or the order in which it occurs. Often our very thoughts become the webs that entangle and paralyze our lives - deceptive thoughts of our own inadequacy or ineffectiveness. These thoughts are themselves lies, placed there by the one who rules this world.

Often our attempts to paddle out of the muck only muddy the water and splash others in the canoe...when the solution to getting out of our quandary is to remove some of the weight from the canoe and allow it to float out of the muskeg. Oh yes, it is that simple. Lay your burdens down at the feet of Jesus. He will carry your burdens. "For my yoke is easy and my burdens are light." I often forget that if I am yoked to the savior of the world, he is carrying the load - if only I let him. I remember the first hiking trip that Caleb went with me. He was nine, fired up and energetic. Towards the end of the first day I was beginning to think I'd made a mistake in bringing him. He had grown weary under the weight of his pack had it not been for a cute college girl who dropped back and continually encouraged him, he might still be somewhere along Archuleta creek. That night while he was asleep, I removed most of the weight from his pack and carried it myself. The next day was so much better for him (and for me) and I did not tell of this for probably ten years.
Stress fractures our lives in so many ways. It renders us helpless, defeated, depressed, and powerless. If only we'd remember that the king of all creation will carry our burdens, if only we would lay them down ... and walk away. Too often Christians lay there burdens at the foot of the cross, only to pick them back up when they leave. Lay them down ... and walk away.

CHAPS Mtn

We were on our fourth day of an eleven day trek, already well into late morning and in anticipation of the afternoon storms. It loomed in front of us ... obviously the trail did not go around this mountain. From a distance we could see the trail snaking up this geological hurdle in out path and we counted ... twenty seven switchbacks before we peaked and walked over the top on our way to Piedra Pass. There were no choices...there was no grumbling that I can remember...we knew what we had to do...take one step at a time and occasionally pause to look behind to see where we'd come and the progress that we made. But then there was more trail ahead, so we could not linger. The storms were coming.

We did make it, though we agreed that we walked too far that day and resulted in what we have come to call "the Piedra shuffle". As we sat in the comfort of our tents just as the afternoon squall blew in, we looked back at this peak that was unnamed on the map and determined that, at least in our logs, it would be called CHAPS mountain - Cook, Hunt, Allen, Pierson. We simply walked one step at a time and were rewarded with a simple meal and shelter from the storms. That has been twenty years, but the memory is still clear.

I used to journal, or at least I made the effort for a time. My friend - KP - still journals ... I think he tweeted before there was Tweeter. This morning I looked over my last "journal entry" and realized I still have many of the same prayers, many of the same concerns. "I look back over the few notes I've made over the past four years and I am haunted by the fact that some of my prayers and concerns remain the same. I still ask for God to seek and nurture relationships in my kids - who are no longer kids. I struggle with words and direction in new beginnings ... for some reason I still think I'm in charge, when I know that God will direct our path and raise up people for this work. I'm simply planting seed."

Guess I need to be reminded from time to time that I simply need to take one step at a time and occasionally look back to see where I've come. I'll not walk too far today ... GOD will provide my simple needs and I will have shelter from the storms that are coming.