reflection of memory

Henri Nouwen clarifies in The Living Reminder that who we are is directly influenced by our memory and our memories. I've known that, but he put flesh on it. We tend to suppress the sights, sounds, emotions, and heartaches that have accompanied many of our lifelong experiences, while elevating the good in those experiences - even to the point of replacing the negative aspects that impact our lives. What happens to us is not nearly as significant as what we take from what happens to us... the memory we carry away. So as I walk through today, I choose good memories.

May you also.

salvation

Recently I was asked to define 'salvation' and what it meant to me for our high school students at church. The following is my response - for what it's worth.

As I’ve given thought to this question, it occurs to me that perhaps the real question is “What is your response to salvation?” I mean … I can look up a wikipedia response and get [the act of saving or protecting from harm, risk, loss, destruction, etc. 2. the state of being saved or protected from harm, risk, etc.] but that’s not my personal response. It’s much bigger than that … and yet more subtle. My understanding of salvation is deeper, broader, and different than it was when I was in high school … in fact I think it’s different than it was last week. On the more obvious side – yes, I’ve been saved from my sin – those things, those acts, those thoughts and attitudes, those habits that continue to separate me from GOD – are forgotten – not by me, but by my savior and friend – Jesus. HE has said that HE has separated me from my sin, as far as the East is from the West… and he remembers them … no more.

Read what Paul said in Romans 7:13-25 then answer that question. I/we tend to look at David as ‘a man after GOD’s own heart; Paul as one of the spiritual giants; the apostles as those in the intimate circle of Jesus himself – and yet David committed adultery and then had the woman’s husband killed and then pulled a cover-up scam that would make the Taliban proud. Paul admitted he was the chief of sinners – known for his brutal treatment and imprisonment of Christians and carried a ‘thorn in the flesh’ to his grave. The apostles were so caught up in themselves that they usually missed the point. To me that’s good news! Jesus still loves me – in spite of what has happened previously in my life and who I was and who I am. Nothing … NOTHING … can separate me from the love of Jesus. In his eyes I am as clean as a newborn lamb. Look at Zach – do you think that he could do anything that would make Sarah stop loving him or that she wouldn’t drop everything to welcome him into her arms??? That is a brief glimpse into salvation.

So … my response? From Jackson Browne’s song:

I want to know what became of the changes

We waited for love to bring

Were they only the fitful dreams

Of some greater awakening?

I've been aware of the time going by

They say in the end it's the wink of an eye

When the morning light comes streaming in

You'll get up and do it again

Amen.

That’s right – I probably won’t get it all right today … and I’ll leave a lot undone… and there will be some that is wrong. But I’ll leave it in the Lord’s hands and I’ll keep HIS word on my lips and tomorrow I’ll get up and do it again. That’s my salvation, knowing that each day in the Lord is a new day!

This is the day that the Lord has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.

Psalm 118:24

Cairns

Over the past several weeks I've obviously not posted comments...guess I've been "too busy" or preoccupied with other stuff that have preempted words shared. I've thought perhaps I should rename this blog as "Occasional Cairns" I know that there have been many instances in which I've become so preoccupied with simply placing one foot in front of the other that I've missed a cairn and sometimes even gotten off the trail. So perhaps I should keep my eyes on the horizon and be more aware of the occasional cairns that point the way. Those cairns have been placed there by others who have walked this way before and it's probably a good thing to pay attention to their direction and experience.

I have been doing quite a bit of reading with this first week of February [Ice Age] and one of the books that I've been impressed with is a book by Henri Nouwen - The Living Reminder. Gary Southern sent it to me - with a story (later) - but one of the passages with which I was most impressed prompted me to share it this morning.

... one of the cairns ...

I have asked many people for counsel in my own personal and professional life. The more I reflect on this, the more I realize that I experience guidance and hope, not because of any specific suggestion or advice but because of a strength far beyond their own awareness which radiated from my counselors. On the other hand, I have tried to help many people and have been increasingly surprised that I often gave strength when I least expected to and received grateful notes when I thought that I had been of no help at all. It seems that we often reveal and communicate to others the life-giving spirit without being aware of it. One of the most comforting remarks I ever heard was: “I wish you could experience yourself as I experience you. Then you would not be so depressed.” The great mystery of ministry is that while we ourselves are overwhelmed by our own weaknesses and limitations, we can still be so transparent that the Spirit of GOD, the divine counselor, can shine through us and bring light to others.

Happy Thanksgiving!

This is Martha. Her face still haunts me and at the same time encourages me. You can see in the background the starkness and desolation of the landscape on which she has lived her life on the Navajo reservation in northwest New Mexico. Most of her life has been in hopelessness, living in the same house for 41 years with no electricity or running water, she has raised twelve children and has 23 grandchildren. I was blessed to be a part of a group that built a house for Martha. As the weather gets cooler I think about her new life with electricity and indoor bathroom. For the first day and a half we worked outside her home, she did not come out. But our kids prayed that her heart would be opened and she would come speak with us. Over the course of a week she did come and speak to us on a couple of occasions and even baked Navajo flat bread for us. In this photo she is standing in front of one of her windows - looking to the mountains of the south - a symbol of purity and hope. The Navajo believe that one must be able to see out of all four directions from the home in order that prayers may get out. She was greatly distressed that we did not provide for a window to the north - where her prayers against evil could leave her house and be banned to the dark mountains of the north. When we found this out, the kids took up a collection to buy another window and we put in the window she so desired.

On Wednesday evening, we worshipped with the Fellowship of Brothers of the Navajo nation and listened to the word from an Apache preacher (which in itself was a miracle). Brother George told us that we were like the friends of the man in John 5 beside the pool of Bethseda who for years lay beside the pool, frustrated that he had no friends to pick him up and place him into the healing waters of the pool. Brother George told us that's who we were to Martha. She had prayed for 29 years that GOD would send someone to build her a house, because she had no friends or resources. What a beautiful concept!

Martha and her daughter made Navajo bread and ate with us one day. I felt I was in communion - a holy Eucharist. Martha is only two years older than me. Now when I look into those eyes - I see a friend looking at me in true thanksgiving... a friend who is tired ... but so full of joy that her eyes exude praise! Praise for a GOD that answers prayers to bring friends to help her into the healing waters!

I look forward to seeing my friend Martha again ... probably not in this world! Until then ... I can enjoy this photo with two of her grandchildren.

Happy Thanksgiving Martha!

Freedom

It is for freedom that we have been set free, says the apostle Paul. This has been heavy on my heart these past days. As I've watched a color guard at a high school football game or listened to the national anthem or GOD bless America during the world series, I've been reminded of the numerous young men that I've known personally who have sacrificed their life in foreign soil surrounded by unfamiliar people and customs.

Two weeks ago a friend spent four days in a Mexican jail and was miraculously released ... he can talk about freedom!

Last weekend we drove to Bryan, Texas to visit a lifelong friend who is serving thirty months in a federal prison camp [I typed out the number because it takes longer and helps me remember how long that really is] While conditions may be better in a minimal security unit, one's freedom is taken away. There is no choice in what's for dinner, no choice in when to rise or rest, no choice in what to wear, no choice to just walk outside to enjoy the sunshine or to return inside because it's too cold. The freedom to hug another person or to lay a comforting hand on a hurting friend have been taken away.

Upon our return I realized that I have the freedom to get in a car and drive where ever I want. Karen and I decided on a light dinner of fruit and cheese and as I experienced the various flavors of grapes, pears, apple, and different cheeses - I realized just how special those simple moments are.

Perhaps it is appropriate during this Thanksgiving season that these blessings of freedom well up within me to remind me that we drink from wells that we have not dug. We walk on paths that have been cleared and smoothed by those who have walked before us. The peace that we share was bought at a premium price. The grace and the joy in which we live was at the cost of freedom that one gave up ... willingly laying down his life ... so that I might have freedom from those things that hold us captive in a world that does not know freedom.

I am thankful.

On Sunday afternoon I had the distinct honor of conferring a blessing on one month old Jagger Leon Flores. He is the son of Rachel Sosa and Justin Flores. This was only about a fifteen minute ceremony, if all the introductions and goodbyes were included. But it was the highlight of my day and the most important part of the day for the entire Sosa and Flores families. Grandparents were there! All the sisters were there! Friends from Frisco drove in ... just for the moment and returned as soon as it was over. The words that were said were recorded on paper, but otherwise lost to time. They were included in and overshadowed by the words carved into the rocks that comprise the foundational support of Jacob's Dream. "I will always be with thee" "truth" "rock of ages" surround the baptismal pool beside the spot where we stood. I explained to the family that this was in my opinion "a thin place" - a place where the Celts and the Scots felt that GOD comes near. Indeed on Sunday afternoon, GOD came near to a family that is broken and assaulted on so many fronts to bring peace and purpose through a small child. Reminds me of Christmas.

Priceless~

Feeding the horses ...

I didn't know whether to title this 'feeding the horses' or just 'the simple things' ... because it is often in the simple mundane things of this life that some of the profound truths lie. One of my friends asked me if I'd like to go in with him and buy a trailer of round bales of coastal to set back for the winter. It's tempting, because walking out to the barn in the early morning darkness in whatever the weather throws is drudgery. When the girls were younger, it was their chore. Some of my fondest memories are of them in flannel pajamas, boots, and a barn coat. Like so many things, it is a two edged sword. I think every morning I am reminded that I spend more on hay for those two horses than I do to support an orphan(age) in India. Yes, there is some guilt in that, but they are an obligation we committed to fifteen years ago. We will see them through. But those two horses have provided much pleasure and fulfillment to this family and to many others. Every morning I go out to the barn, they are waiting for me - and are glad to see me. Most mornings they jockey for position to see who gets to nuzzle me first. I'm reminded that when you are hungry and lonesome, people are glad to see you too. Jesus told Peter three times, "If you love me, feed my sheep." Yes, it is an inconvenience - and those phone calls come in all sorts of weather and it is usually an inconvenience to my schedule, but folks are hungry; and they're lonely; and they're usually glad to see me. We tend to complicate life. But it is in those early morning trips to the barn that the cold north wind and the impending light of the sunrise remind me that I too am hungry, but I'm not alone. Thank you Ace and Fancy.